Saturday, October 22, 2011

A Little Disappointing...

After a day of recovery--from the travel--and some slight disappointment, I'm back on track.  I've been here before!  It's just that sometimes that little girl in me wants my mother to be her biggest fan!  In reality mine never has been.  She's tried!  I have to give her a hearty recognition for that.  It's just that we are so different!  My mom in many ways is a very strong woman!  At her coming birthday next week, she'll be 87!  ...and no we didn't get the picture that I took my camera for! But here is one from three years ago.  She hasn't changed a bit--but I've dropped about 25 lbs from this picture!  LOL!
                                                          Mom        Pam           Pattilou

After some discussion with my other sister, we decided that
the wall hanging that I'd made for the Liberated Round Robin, should
go to mom and then at mom's passing my sis would inherit it.  Well,
that probably was our error.  First clue:  LIBERATED!!!!  My mom isn't
liberated at all!!!!  She is probably so bound to convention that that is really
where most of my problems with my mom lie!  I'm far more liberated than she!
My next problem:  The seeking of approval!!!   Oh, I know---don't seek for
approval!!!  I know that from many years of experience!   DON'T SEEK FOR
APPROVAL FROM MOM!!!!   She has a very hard time approving the things she doesn't understand and believe me--on my list that lots of them.  But it is like there is still this small girl inside of me seeking for my mom to be my best cheerleader!  I could list the ways I was always disappointed here, but that wouldn't be always true---just my perception of it and it would serve no value.  I love my mom!  It's just that we see the glass differently!  For her, it is half empty and for me it's half full!

Well, I'd thought maybe, just maybe she would replace the dated "Kitchen Angel" quilt I'd made years ago from a calender print.  I'd quilted it, then we put it on a stick and tied raffia to the ends of the stick and some twine up to the nail and then we covered the nail with a little bow like thing at the nail.  It was cute--but dated!  But, mom wasn't about to replace that with the new thing.  We finally found a wall for it.  It's around a corner of the kitchen area into her big family room.  It will be seen if you are in the family room--which hardly ever anyone is anymore.  But, it is on a wall.  I took the 3m sticky picture hanging things with me, so there would be no holes in the wall--at least I knew that!  It's there!  The quilting around the flower caught her eye and the iris she liked, but that was about it.  Sometimes I feel like a fool for thinking someone may like my "stuff"   But, for therapy I spent the day yesterday doing some really boring, non liberated quilting.  The quilt will be a pieced in three colors pretty quilt--just NOT liberated.

I do need to share the other thing---oh I knew better, but just before we left, I pulled this quilt, that I was binding, out from the car to show her!  Big mistake.  First off, she hates pink and purple and next off the writing and saying were totally out of her realm.

I was making the quilt for a surprise for a liberated friend--but now I'm even doubting myself on this one.  I've already found ways the quilt could have gone differently--guess that is what most people do when making stuff--and I guess that's why so many of my quilts I'm so willing to part with.  But, anyhow DH nailed it yesterday when I was saying I was a bit depressed.  Said he, "is it because your mother didn't like your quilts?"  Let's see--we've been married nearly 46 years--so I guess he knows me and my mother better than sometimes even I do!

Well, today is a new day!  I'm not depressed, just working on a non quilting project that needs working on and yesterday I just couldn't even bring myself to do it.  Sometimes it's just the travel--7 hours in a car for the day and then the other thing, even though I'm healing a mother/daughter relationship and it's much better--it'll never be at 100% just because we are human! ...and those dang emotions!!!!

In all--this is perfect for me:


Vroomans' Quilts said...

Don't beat yourself up - oh, I have a mother very similar - she is missing out on lifes adventures - don't you!

LindaSue said...

Just to tell you that there are other's out there that think your quilts are the cat's eye.

You put so much of yourself into your beautiful quilts. You can please some people some of the time but you can't please everyone all the time. Then there are the people that should have never been mother's at all. My mother was one and I have a sister that is like that. My hubby say's that if my mother was ever capable of loving anyone that she loved my daughter.

Your work is awesome Patti and you need to be proud of what you do and what you do it for. I know you are but it still hurts when you own mother can't see that. So take it from a sister in quilting. WE ARE ALL PROUD OF YOU AND APPRECIATE THE GREAT WORK YOU DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You love what you do and share that love in so many ways. I know I have felt it so many times. You are an inspiration and a joy to know. We all love you and want you to know that we do and we care.

Carol E. said...

This is similar to my experiences with my mom, though mine is not quite as negative. She sure doesn't "get" my liberated quilting, though. And I spent a lot of years looking for approval, too. I still do! It's something I have to battle all the time. I'm 59! I should be satisfied with myself one of these days!!! LOL... hang in there. You're not the only one who is a "mess" after certain encounters. The quilt for your friend is lovely.

Kathy T. said...

Boy ... I sure could identify with this post. My mother has never been nurturing - and she thinks that her way is the only way. Typical conversation: "No, mom, I don't want a laundry hamper in my bathroom just because you've always had one, thank you very much (repeat six times until she gives up)."
Keep making your beautiful quilts - we love the eye candy!

P. said...

Oh, Pattilou...I understand what you're feeling. So many things I wished could have been different with me and my mom, but there were just some times it was so obvious that we were coming from different planets. Since she's been gone, I realize she may not have given me everything I thought I needed, but what she did was enough. More than enough. That Emerson quote is one I've heard before and felt spoke to me too.

And your quilts are amazing and joyful! Keep on being you!

QuiltSue said...

I'm sorry you're hurting - it's something a lot of us can relate to. I'm over 60 and still hoping for praise from my mother about something - anything at all - but she died 10 years ago so it's not going to happen.

Don't start doubting yourself too much though, that will be completely counter-productive. Your quilts are great and I'm sure there are a lot of people around who are very happy to have received one from you.

Exuberant Color said...

I think I could have been the author of that post! I guess mothers are a little jealous of daughters and that's what starts their non-approval. My mother only approved of me (in public) about a dozen times in my whole life. She never understood what I did with fabric. She died at 90.

KatieQ said...

It's amazing how many of us have the same experiences with our mothers. Sometimes I wonder how any of us ever grows up to be a functional adult. My mom has been dead for 10 years and I can still hear her disapproval when I do something in a manner different than she would have chosen.
I am only one of the many people who admire your quilts and have benefited from seeing how you use color and pattern to make fabric come alive.
Luckily, you are blessed with a loving and understanding husband.