Friday, May 4, 2012

Okay--I'm ready to talk???---Vent???

This made me laugh and then think!   I struck a chord deep in my psyche!  Many of you know that I grew up with parents owning a bakery.  I had a secret access to that bakery through my teens and many times when friends visited we made out trek into the bakery for frozen leftover donuts or brownies or cookies.  There was even ice cream bars too.  I was active then and the weight wasn't much of a problem.

The really ironic part is that when my husband and I moved back into the area and I worked in the bakery, an addition had been made--a HEALTH FOOD STORE!!  Now that raised many people's eyebrows and we had many comments about the combination of the two.  We sold donuts and Danish--no coffee because my parents were devout Mormons and didn't believe others should enjoy coffee with their donuts when they didn't!  The mixed messages were abundant in our home too.  If ever we questioned any rule or church teaching the burden was put back on us--"What is wrong with you, even thinking that?"

Interestingly enough there was a comment that I overheard the other night while at a dining establishment, and I heard a gentleman calmly state, "I disagree, here."  There continued to be calm discussion and later even laughter.  A seemingly big clash seemed to ring in my head--I realized at the point in time I hadn't remembered hearing those words spoken in my childhood home.  There were two ways of things my PARENTS--and the opposite, which was wrong.

It's very disingenuous growing up with that rattling around in your head.

The thing that has brought all of this to mind is the life changes my sister has been going through recently.  She is so close to being penniless that it is hard for me to fathom.  It's taken a while to get to the point she now finds herself.  A business going under and a house in a B of A legal battle and wondering just how she is going to support herself.  She's in her 50's and just keeps wondering how she can manage.  Several jobs have gone to someone else and she's in the midst of questioning lots of things.  LIFE, business, religion, money---etc.  All the things that many people are facing in this economy and change of those--well I call them the Beverly Cleaver times--for those readers not of that era, it was the mother stays at home and fixes the meals and always knows just what to say to make things at home run smoothly and make everyone happy!

As my sis questioned where all this leaves her, she asked for some help from our mother.  Well, I've been brought into a lifelong conflict and its ramifications my sister feels between the philosophy that "Families are Forever" and the demonstration of less than that in actuality.  A mother in a 5,000 square foot house is too cramped to offer space to a daughter that may need to make a move to survive.  Well, the offer finally came after Mom repeatedly said that she didn't want my sis living there.  Enter me, through many conversations with said sister she posed this:  "How could a 50+ year old woman constantly be emotionally returned to being a rebellious 13 year old"  I have no answers and my philosophy is to listen, support, but allow her to make her own life choices.  My belief is that life choices are for each individual to make.

All my sis wants is love, acceptance and an answer to her many questions about the religious beliefs of a mother.  Thankfully, Mom did send a check to assist with pressing bills as my sis figures out how to sell household furniture and make the adjustments from there to short selling her house.  (All this while still trying to find employment.)  I find this has been a great drain on my emotions and the turmoil I've had with Mom over religion is still something that will never heal as long as Mom lives, as I am the errant daughter because I left that religion.  I am the "apostate" because I left.  I found that I had to put some boundaries on the conversations that I have with Mom.  Basically no religion or politics can be discussed because there is just too much tension when that occurs.  So, as a result, our conversations are about who has died, and who in my hometown is sick, and the weather.  In order to not put myself into her beliefs many of my conversations are her talking until she cycles out.  I listen, occasionally offering some sort of conversation.  It has become a very surface relationship.  Now, I find my sister going through some of the same things I did about 8 years ago and the difference is that Sis questions.  I learned that I couldn't do that anymore.  But, the sadness of a woman who finds it very hard to give any credence or value to her children because they view life differently that she does, sometimes is overwhelming.

My overall joy in life is returning.  The waves of depression are lifting, but it's been a most difficult month for me!

I've felt like this:
I've had my own health challenges and the dichotomy of dealing with my patterns of loving sweets and craving bread when my health responds so much better when I leave sugar and flour products out of my diet.  I started taking greens in capsules and it took awhile to build up to where I could take the recommended dose!!  I feel that my health really depends on correcting my behaviors and my cravings and eliminate the mentioned food groups from my diet!

I added this to my morning regime:
I had been forgetting my "happy pills" my DH calls them.  So I added them back into my regime so that I can again feel balance.  I needed to try another formula for thyroid deficiency which in itself can add to depression.  The DSF is a formula for adrenal support and I just can't live without that.  The "happy pill" my DH calls them are the Women's Formula by Woman to Woman. So back on track with these:
I am following the Caveman Diet--again.  Started it before Christmas, but the behaviors of Christmas eating and traditions did a double whammy on that.  After talking with sis Monday, she stated she was starting that eating plan and I decided to do the same.  So, right now I'm eating fruits and nuts during the morning, adding a green drink if needed (without the protein) and then allowing myself one meal at night.  For 4 weeks there are no limits on the evening meal, but I've not added bread and I'm feeling much better!!!  The fruit has allowed me to feel nourished with sweetness--a big emotional need right now and the exclusion of bread and flour products has allowed me to feel less inflamed.  So far so good.  I, now feel more in control of my eating and I'm not gorging while waiting for the next round of HCG to start.  I think I have found something I can live with since I have the support of DH.  Hopefully we can get through the summer birthdays without losing control and then by Christmas time this year, I'll have learned a new way of living.  (We'll cross that bridge when it comes!)

About quilting--I'm not sure where I'm headed.

The local Family Connections Center where I gave many donations, has closed due to funding cuts. Another group I sent some quilts to has not responded with the receipts I keep for taxes.  I'm starting a box for Sarah at http://www.confessionsofafabricaddict.blogspot.com/  I am always working on blocks for http://sunshinequiltguild.blogspot.com/  But, I've decided that other than the liberated round robin http://liberatedroundrobin.blogspot.com/  I'm taking a break.  I got a few books at the library and I've got some blocks from a Block a Month that are awaiting being made into a top.  I'm waiting for something to really scream at me: "I want you to start ME!"  I'm not worried--its just that with all the stuff going on in my head, creativity has taken leave for the moment.  It will return.  I'm finding peace with being me.  I finding peace at being me!  I'm finding peace with being me!!!  ---and yes Bridget I'm working on staying "in the MOMENT."

I did want to share one more link, this one appealed to my string quilting love.  It's a new way to make some strings into a quilt.  Rose Marie will be adding more to this tutorial next week.
http://appliqueandpatches.blogspot.com/2012/05/same-but-different-part-1.html  

Now, I'm talked out for today.  Have a great weekend as that is what I plan to do!!!

8 comments:

Debbie said...

Whoa...you have been living high drama lately, haven't you. Of course, you need to vent and reclaim yourself. So glad you have formed a plan, and figured out what you need to work towards.
You are so creative. A short vacation from it will be good....creativity needs space to bloom and right now all your space is filled. Give it some time and you will be inspired to create again. Doors will open because life abhors a vaccum. So I am just sending some encouragement and good thoughts for you.

Helen in the UK said...

All you can do is be supportive to your sister and look after yourself. Sounds like you're doing both. Take this time and a quilt that wants to be made will seek your attention. Maybe you just need to 'play' with some 'parts' without a real plan of action. You often say your parts quilts become your favourites. Sending BIG HUGS from across the pond :)

QuiltSue said...

I'm sorry Pat, I've got no wise words or anything, just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you and your sister are going through. No wonder you needed to vent and no wonder your creatives have done a runner for a while.

The Quilting Elf said...

I understand completely every word of this post - same story here, different mother. It takes all kinds to make a world, but sometimes I just wonder why?! The only thing you can control is your owns response and you are doing wonderfully - recognizing your body's limitations and regulating what you take in is a great start. Keep it up! Please give my best to your sister - I hope things work out for her.

BrendaLou said...

Hang in there! This too, shall pass, etc. I have a family relationship that is hard to deal with too. Sometimes I think I'll bite my tongue right off! But I stay calm and tell myself that at this stage of the game I'm responsible for me and MY actions, reactions and choices. blessings to you.

Ruthnell Putney said...

THanks so much for posting this! I've been going through a similar situation, but in a way it's reversed. My kids are having a hard time accepting me as I am -- 70 years old, straightened finances, a few physical limitations, etc. They seem to feel that since I'm neither the mother they remember nor the mother they want, there's something wrong with me and it MUST BE FIXED!!!!! It's been difficult to hold my ground, find the good and useful in their comments, and let the rest -- including their sometimes harsh delivery -- go on by. As yours with your mother, relationships have become quite superficial. But if that's the way it's to be, that's what I have to accept. I'd rather conserve my energy and spirit for those things in life that CAN be changed. Your comments have reinforced and affirmed this. Wishing you and your sister peace of mind and heart, and reminding you that some of God's best work comes wrapped in plain brown paper. HUGS! Ruth Putney

Pattilou said...

Life is certainly a trip isn't it?!!! After reading the book, Human Reality see http://humanreality.org/

I began to see the conflict is not only from changes in our Human-ness, but also from our basic humanity types. My mom and my sister I think are humans that like to be served--so there is an endless battle going on between them because they neither one will give into the other. I just returned from a visit with sis so that I could help her get started with a garage sale. Luckily, although, I couldn't do much, I seemed to give her the support she seemed to need to move forward. (at least that is the hope I'll hold onto! :P)

VeeV said...

Friends are the family we choose!
~too often that is the case~
there's only one YOU....and you need to take care of YOU!!
xo
eva