Saturday, October 12, 2013

Who Am I?

I'm taking a bit of a break from my posts about my quilting to write some thoughts.  This is a bit of a stretch for me to bare my deep thoughts this much.  I usually feel that I can only do so after gaining the trust of someone.  However, my thoughts of recent weeks have been scattered and I feel like a hunter gathering lost arrows. 

Who am I? 

This morning as I was reading from the book The Mark of America , I pondered for quite awhile about one thought on p.101 about the symbolism of the word "crown".  This word is symbolic for the power that each of us has to gain knowledge for ourselves.  I wondered after reading, "When we listen to others, whether they are religious leaders or those to whom we look for wisdom, we have given away our 'crown'; or in other words they have taken it from us."

As I teenager, I like many went through my rebellion.  I grew up in a Mormon (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) home and when my parents couldn't reason with me there was an answer from them that I came to hate, "The Church says."

This to me brought up a cry for an answer that made sense to me.  I wanted to know "Who exactly is 'The Church'".  I never got that answer from my parents.  All they could do was try to persuade me into falling in line with whatever Church teaching they were wanting me to follow at the time.

I realized this morning as I read from the 666 book that I had wanted my own power.  As I grew into womanhood, I thought that my power had been taken by men.  I want my own power.  I realized upon reflection that most people do not have power within. I realized that assuming one's own power takes contemplation and for lack of a better word to describe it, work.  Spending time with oneself in contemplation takes a diligence I haven't yet mastered.  What I'm striving for is a balance in a world that is in gyration, not just from the rotation around its axis, but from mortals who are so out of touch with who they really are. 

From the 666 book, "An emotional stability, calm, and peace will radiate from within... each of us." 

I'm an observer of people.  I wonder how many of us have stability and calm and peace.  Often it is transitory, moment like snippets of time that we experience those emotions, and then like a thief in the night, they seem to flee from us. 

Why, I ask.

The answer is not simplistic, but one that requires the desire to maintain oneself amid the fluctuations and babbling of the world around us. 

Each day, I look forward to those moments alone with myself.  I realize that there is within myself a power that is more advanced than I am in my current mortal state--I just can't remember.  Sometimes though, I feel the cord that connects to her from my dream existence on this planet.


Helen in the UK said...

I think you are very brave for putting your deep thoughts 'out there'. You have my admiration :)

Anonymous said...

You're so right, its in quiet moments I am able to feel the chord that connects me to this mortal body.

Well done Pat!